THE DIARY

      As I said, my mother kept a diary which begins July 1960 so she would have been 16 years old at the time.  No one thought very much about this diary and it had been long forgotten.  After my mom had been dead about 5 years, my grandparents died and my dad and his sister were going through my grandparents belongings, cleaning out the house and they found this diary hidden away in the basement.  I read it page for page.  It was so interesting because she spoke of businesses, stores, and people that I was familiar with in a town that had hardly changed.  Also because you read of a time in the sixties with their hairstyles, slang, interests, concerns and worries.  She wrote about arguments she and her mother, my grandmother, had and about good times too.  I learn who her friends were and where she worked and what pets she owned.  When they moved and where.  But mostly I could read about and follow the courtship of my parents right up until the time when she became pregnant with me.  She was a kind and caring person who people loved even then.
     She begins her diary saying that she and Richard, my dad, broke up that night.  She wrote about him constantly and I do mean constantly, worrying about how, when and if they would get back together again and about whether he loved her like she loved him.  Reveling in the times they spent together and down and depressed when they didn't.  By January of 1961 they are going steady and are either having sex or pretty close to it as she places a code (x) by times they are together.  They reminded me of the 1961 movie Splendor In The Grass staring  Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty about a young in love in the 1920's struggling with sexual repression and guilt.  (No wonder my parents liked that movie so much).  They are 16 & 19 years old.  My dad is now in College doing well and she's in High School but not doing so well.  All she can think about is 'Rich', and she and her mother argue daily.  It becomes too much for her, and in February she decides to go live with an aunt and uncle in New Mexico.
     She and my dad write each other daily and he comes to see her in July.  They spend six days together and sleep together (x) outside 'under the stars' at least twice. She writes on July 4th 1961; "Slept outside tonite again & this time it was pretty bad.  Seems like we came pretty close-but am sure nothing happened.  Love him very much. Wish he'd never go home!"   This happens to be her ovulation period I know because she's been writing when she starts her periods and I'm able to back track it.  Ten days later she packs up and moves back to La Junta.  Of course she misses her period that month which was due to start on the 18th.  She tells my dad and things kind of begin to spiral out of control as the parents get involved.  Her mother is mad at her and mad at my dad, his parents are really mad, mostly at her and say that the baby is not dad's.  This causes my dad to doubt and he confronts my mother about it and she is devastated that  he would doubt her loyalty and love to him.  And in truth, in her diary while there is numerous mentions of 'other boys' who like to flirt and try to ask her out she does stay devoted to her love for my dad and says that "just the idea of any other boy touching me except Rich repulses me".  But by September the rings are bought, license signed and they are married.  Much to the dismay of his parents.

This is them on their wedding day:

Richard & Sue Holms 1961

They are 17 & 20 years old and she is about 2 months pregnant with me.

Isn't it odd how the foundations of a relationship are laid in the beginning?  This scenario never changed for the next 15 years of their married life.  He having conflicting emotions between his love for her and his desires for his future, she having insecurities about whether he loves her, his parents never fully accepting her or me.  Much to their credit though, I never did know this until after they were both gone.  We felt love and happiness when we came to see our grandparents.  One thing is for sure though, there were pictures of Sharon's kids all over the house and very little of us.  That's the only sign I ever saw.  Even now.  And as far as my parents went, I think it was the same, they loved each other but there were tensions but we never knew it.  They were very affectionate to one another and arguments were kept between the two of them.  It was only towards the end of their marriage, maybe the last 6 months or so that I ever saw them fight and I can tell you it was scary to me.